Hooked

.... to the worst possible addiction: McDonald's 32 oz. Hazelnut Iced Coffee.

Consider this train of thought: Uh-oh we're going over our phone minutes.... yikes, that's 40c per minute, $24 an hour. Whoa.... I could get 12 iced coffees with that... (vision of 12 cups of iced coffee piled side by side swirl in my mind).

D-oh!

Anyway, did some research and think I've found my reason to stop.

Wish me luck trying to break this addiction.

Reference:
http://www.dietfacts.com/html/nutrition-facts/mcdonalds-beverages-iced-hazelnut-cream-coffee-32-oz-48336.htm

Trade In

There is no lead-on to this post.

It just hit me today that I am turning 30 soon (well I have 16 months yet, but IT's coming). That thought, by itself, wasn't all that bad. What threw me off was when, after one thought led to another, I suddenly realized I don't remember being a teenager. It is quite disorienting to feel old and not remember ever feeling young. (Dang, what a bummer: I would trade-in for the arthritis, given the choice.)

It was in this spirit that I rummaged through my files and found the piece attached below. I wrote this when I was in college. I had not seen the movie (starring Angelina Jolie pre-superstardom) but I connected with the title. My epiphany then: If I had doubts I led a boring life, they were all dispelled when I found myself wishing I had a single i-wouldn't-have-done-that-if-i-sober moment. Just one crazy moment I could regret/romanticize/root my angst in/play out in my daydreams. But no, I had none of those. I was Joe Schmoe, your everyman.

Anyway, knowing I had these existential thoughts at 19, the (so-called) prime of my youth, offers some hope. At least I know it is not the specter of the big 3-0 casting all these shadows in my mind. If nothing else, I can take comfort in the thought that if I ride this 'episode' out, I can go back to living my normal "unexamined" life.

Or, at least, until I'm 39.

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A Life Less Ordinary

I'm typical, yet in a lot of ways, not.

I go to school but resist education. I delight in the inner workings of the mind and study how it crumbles in the confines of the classroom. I allow myself to be fed with crap and plan doling it out as a career option.

I am an intellectual and a bum. I immerse myself in book and feed my intellect. I ponder the significance of life and argue its utter hollowness. I watch the evening news and ponder the destiny of the world before switching the channel to MTV.

I hanker for creature comforts but live in fear of my bones brittling from disuse. I am a masochist, pushing myself beyond the limits of endurance. I lounge on the sofa and transport myself to the place of heroes in movies: riding unbridled horses and roaring down the streets unhelmeted in my Harley.

I am adventurous but I lose my daring the face of creatures that lurk in shadows. I savor my brain pounding in my head 'no' before I jump feet-first into whatever it is that tickles the mortal fear in me.

I am as the universe, ever shifting and recasting itself. I invent personas for myself and build my self-image each time. I am illuminated by life and bored to death by it.

Can I trade-in for a life less ordinary?

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Unshackled

"They say when you reach a crossroad or a turning point in life, it really doesn't matter how we got there, but what we do next after we got there. Usually we arrive there by adversity, and then it is then, and only then, that we find out who we truly are and what we're truly made of. It's a process, a gift and a journey."

- Paris Hilton

That I'd ever quote Paris Hilton-- who would have thought?

I am jumping on this bandwagon a tad late so I will simply say I was blown away by her interview with Larry King. My exposure to Paris Hilton had been limited to watching her on The Simple Life. I honestly never truly believed she could form full sentences; let alone use words like "audacity" and "pandemonium". (OK, not really big words but considering this is someone whose fave adjective is "sexy"; these words had two syllables too many.). Was I ever wrong.

And that quote from her prison notes. How cliche but how true it rings. In Paris's case, sheltered heiress was thrown into correctional facility. What a way to shake up someone's world view: yes, Paris, some people never knew Santa Claus (or Dior, or Blahnik). Ka-blam. (Insert dramatic sound of rose-colored glasses breaking into a million pieces).

I had a slightly similar rude awakening recently. In my case, a turn of events have made me realize how complacent I have gotten in just "being". Worked for the same company for eight years now. A couple of hobbies on the side. Contemplating an advanced degree for self-improvement. No real passions/causes I'd die for. It all seemed too easy. But then life dealt me an unexpected hand and I was jarred into a realization that my turn is up in a game I've forgotten I was playing.

And so I am back at a crossroads, awash with trepidation. What's my next move? - Who am I? What am I truly made of?

Ah, that I'd be unshackled from my cushy existence by Miss Hilton's words.

Who would have thought?


(Photo note: http://www.trekearth.com/gallery/South_America/Peru/photo356167.htm)